i want it now…but maybe i can be convinced of later

The more I walk this humid earth (at least in Florida and Nebraska) the more I see a sad, sad reality:

A life following Jesus involves delayed gratification.

This causes much strife in my life because although I seem in every way a 32-year-old woman who’s mature, educated, patient, a sharp dresser…(sorry, I got carried away and that’s beside the point), inside I’m just a little 3-year-old who throws a temper tantrum if I don’t get my way.

And I want it now.

I’m reminded of this as I’m studying Hebrews 11 with my small group.

Today, as I was reading the chapter again and letting it steep like a cup of tea on a snowy day, it’s oh-so-clear that this isn’t my home.

And I made a list of what I saw in the chapter that makes me think this way:

  • We don’t have clear vision yet. (v. 1)
  • Our place of inheritance isn’t yet available for us to receive (v.8)
  • We are aliens (Sigorney Weaver need not apply) (v. 9)
  • We are dwelling, in essence, in tents. (v.9)
  • We are heirs of a promise not yet realized. (v.10)
  • We are strangers and exiles. (Not exactly how we pitch the Christian life, huh?) (v.13)
  • We are desiring a better country; a heavenly one. (v. 16)
  • There’s a city prepared for us beyond. (v.16)

As I read this I find myself nodding internally. Yeah, that sounds like what my heart’s trying to say. This isn’t home yet but I sooooo want it to be. No wonder all the “now” I demand doesn’t take away the ache that there’s something more that I can’t experience here. Even as good as it gets here. (And it’s pretty darned good these days thanks to God’s gift of Scott in my life.)

So I wait. And I fix my soul’s eyes on what my earthly eyes can’t see.

And I stop demanding (at least for the next 5 minutes) as I remember this: I am to live in the present tense but that my hope is set in the future.


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