struggling to rest, piles for Korea everywhere

Let’s just say that today is a good day to take God up on resting amidst the piles.

Literal piles.

I’m going to Korea tomorrow. My passport is flapping its pages in excitement. Wanderlust is a very real thing in my life.

I love going. I really, really, really don’t like preparing.

Here’s what is happening: I’m trying to time the laundry and the last of the work e-mails I’m launching out like hopeful ships. In getting ready I remember other 4 errands I need to run. I’m starting to worry how I find the right students in Korea to interview. I mean, there are 15,000! How will I know who? And, oh, time reading Hebrews seems like a mirage right now.

And I’m not yet in Korea, but I’m already thinking about my return: writing the feature article (I’m feeling rusty; it’s been 18 months since I’ve worked for the magazine), preparing to go to Ft. Collins for Campus Crusade’s take-over-the-Colorado-State-campus conference and having my boyfriend, Scott, drive out from Omaha to meet me for it.

So this, from Preston Gillham, comes at a good time:

The result? What Germans call angst — a tumult in my stomach, a preoccupation within my mind; my emotions are tense and my sleep is disrupted. I’m distracted…and let’s cut to the bottom line: Spiritually, I am sinning.

That’s a drag. When I am attempting to be diligent and responsible across the breadth of my life, God considers my effort to be sinful. What’s this about?

My struggle is rooted in self-belief, self-sufficiency and self-indulgence. Therein lies the source of my sin: self.

I am supposed to rest in Christ. Nevertheless, the struggling to rest is disconcertingly familiar to me. More often than not, my struggle is to control people and circumstances, which is to say, I harbor the deceptive belief that if I can gain control of all that affects me, I will achieve rest.

So, like a child looking through 3-D glasses for the first time, I’m seeing that rest doesn’t come in the form of Old Testament Sabbaths or in me getting all my piles organized. Rather, my rest comes in a Person — Jesus. And He’s pretty much never asked me to clean up my act before He provides what I need.

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2 Responses to struggling to rest, piles for Korea everywhere

  1. Kristina says:

    Hi Angie! Thanks for the peek into your inner world, and for the quote. What an insightful one. I hope you have an amazing time in Korea!

  2. Phyllis says:

    That quote is wonderful. Thank you for sharing it!

    I’m glad that you are finding the students to talk to now and that God is showing you that all the worry you were experiencing was unnecessary. Isn’t it always like that?!

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