martha stewart’s christmas letter to erma bombeck

This came from an e-mail dated 1997 from my mom that I found in a Christmas box this year when we started decorating. No idea who wrote it, sadly. Wish I could take credit! May you enjoy the Christmas season with Erma joy and not Martha clammering.

Hi Erma,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to.

Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom and made a blanket in peaches and mauves.

Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I had just sitting around in my craft room.

By then, it was time to start making the placemats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I’m serving the old standard Stewart 12-course breakfast, but I’ll let you in on a little secret: I didn’t have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.

Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling.

Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can get at almost any Hungarian craft store.

Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I’m wearing for breakfast.

Love, Martha

 

Dear Martha,

I’m writing this on the back of an old shopping list. Pay no attention to the coffee and jelly stains.

Burned my arm on the curling iron when I was trying to make those cute curly fries. How do they do that?

Still can’t find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes. Tried using an old, disposable razor. Trashed the tablecloth.

Tried that cranberry thing. Frozen cranberries mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave.

The smoke alarm is going off, talk to you later.

Merry Christmas!

Love, Erma

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One Response to martha stewart’s christmas letter to erma bombeck

  1. Patricia says:

    I love Erma Bombeck.

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